Date: 28/01/2015

UN Security Council 30th meeting regarding concerns in the Ukraine, transcript

Presiding chairman: Are there any proposals?

Churkin (Russian Federation): It is possible, I shit on a table?

All: NO-O-O !!

Churkin (Shits on the table in front of Klimkin, Ukraine): Thank you!

Ukrainian representative: All seen this, yes?! Russia just shat on our table!
Churkin: You have no evidence!

Ukraine: That was your ass, and your crap came out of it!

Churkin: Give us the facts!

US representative: Our experts have carried out analysis of the composition of materials, modelled coordinates and came to the conclusion that it is without a doubt shit from Russia.
Churkin: Give us the evidence!

UK representative: This is terrible! There is no doubt shit came from Russia. This can not continue any longer.

German representative: I propose to consider the opportunity to express our common concerns about Russia's behaviour.

Churkin: I veto this proposal. (Again shits on the table of Ukraine)

Ukraine: You have seen this ?! Here again! Russia shat us on the table, that's crap, that's ass, that's him pulling up pants!

UN President: If the facts are confirmed, we will have to respond appropriately!

Churkin: Once again, please give us at least one proof!

Germany: We had hoped that the sanctions will help, but with every time the stench is getting stronger! We suspect that Russia potentially shitting on the table of Ukraine.

Churkin: Give us the evidence!

UN President: I propose to adopt a resolution that we are deeply shocked!

Churkin: I vet this proposal. (shits on the table of the President of the UN)

Ukraine: Have you seen this?! Here now! Russia shits on the table of the President of the UN!!! It is dangerous because it can happen to any European country's table!

Churkin: You have presented no evidence that we would acknowledge!
US representative: Pentagon satellites recorded the increased level of stench, coming from the Russian side. We should consider the possibility to take away the right of Russia to shit in the UN meetings!

Churkin: I veto this proposal. (Shits on the table of Ukraine). You have no proof. On the contrary, many of the facts shows that Ukraine shat on their table themselves!

Ukraine: You have seen Russia just shat again on our table!

German representative: It is becoming increasingly difficult to be here, we invite both sides to a dialogue!

Churkin: Russia wants to take advantage of an additional message! (takes a plastic folder and it starts throwing shit on all UN members). - Russia majestic state and do not let anyone pressure her! You have no rights to dictate us your term without showing a single proof of our guilt. Better take a look at yourselves. After all, you all - are covered in crap, you're sitting here covered in shit, and stench is coming from you. How can you tell us how we should behave? Thank you for your attention. (Leaves the room, throwing smeared folder to the President of the UN and spits on shoes of US Representative).

UN President: I thank each and everyone for your expressed opinions, the next session regarding the concerning situation in the Ukraine will begin when we ventilate the room.