Date: 14/01/2013
WHAT A FRESH AND FRANK AIR IN BROKEN BHARAT'S HIGHEST CIVIL & MILITARY SET UP!
I usually like to say and write inspiring and humorous stuff to make a
soldier sing / march along, and do what he must.
Lord, please forgive me for this mail, especially because serving
officers would be reading it and it may de-motivate them. I hope not.
Recently, due to senility, I have been like a dog who has been
neutered and hence in bad mood, except when mollified by Rum. Even Rum
cannot stop me from getting pissed off on one subject, OROP and the
treatment of ESMs meted out by the Govt Of India, An-Thony, Mana Mohan
and venerable Lt Gen Kadiyan Rtd (who has elected himself to be the
spokesperson of ESMs). I really get pissed off on the subject.
I am aware that Rajeev Kembhavi was simply trying to be helpful and
even venerable Air Cmde Patra, since he is a serving officer, may have
been trying to be HMV (his master’s voice, like the old 33 rpm record
that used to get stuck and repeat the same tune again and again).
I am reminded of an old joke.
During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the ‘Director’, 'How do
you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the
hospital.'
Well,' said the Directing Psychiatrist with a frightening smile.
'We fill up a bathtub, and then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a
bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.
'Oh, I understand,' I said in a condescending tone. 'A normal person
would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the
teacup.'
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the drain plug’.
I am quite ready now to pull the f***ing drain plug.
What is that Amir Khan Movie about Shahid, in which there is a lovely
‘Bhangda’ song ?
Can someone lend me an AK 47 to sort out AK An-Thony ? No need of
bullets – I just want to lift up his lungi with the AK-47 and shove
the barrel up his bung hole. He is not worth pulling the trigger. I
just want to do the same ‘Bhangda’ with an AK 47 up An-Thony’s you
know what.
From the substance of what Air Cmde Patra said (as I understood from
the attachment with his mail), as also notices put up all over CSD
canteens, ECHS and wide publicity on the web, the essence of what the
trio (An-Thony, Mana Mohan and their official spokes person venerable
Lt Gen Kadiyan Rtd) is trying to say is ‘fill up forms in
quadruplicate, we will decide whether your father married your
mother, whether you are legitimate, and then we will decide whether to
consider your case, screw Supreme Court’. Justice of any sort has
become a joke in this country.
And while we are filling up quadruplicate forms, Kadiyan says that
An-Thony told him to also include all other issues that ESMs have
against GOI. In other words, they will now consider appointing ‘Bakwas
commission’ to review all the cases all of them together, and screw
the Supreme Court as well as ESMs who are going to die anyway before
Bakwas Commission finalize their report in about 300 yrs from now,
like ‘Water Sharing Commission’ who has been at it since 1947.
I am convinced that the GOI has no intensions to pay the ESMs a penny
beyond what we are getting now. Frankly I don’t care. I plan to give
it to Mother Theresa’s ‘Sisters of Charity’. But it gets my goat when
I see so much anticipation, expectations, trust, belief in political
Kama, Yoga and Kama of the GOI, amongst many who does mindless
forwards and others who are waiting for the money to be paid into
their account immediately on filling up quadruplicate forms which many
good soldiers like Air Cmde Patra have been deputed to go around and
publicise. All balls. The GOI has no intensions to pay a cent. You
can send copies of my mail, each in quadruplicate, to An-thony,
CAS/COAS/CNS and Air Cmde Patra and Info to the Supreme Commander if
you have any postage stamps left. Don’t bother sending anything to Man
Mohana, he is not even HMV, the 33 rpm record is non playable unless
Sonia cranks his limp handle.
I have a few silly questions to ask (please forgive my being naive).
What is it in the forms that Air Cmde Patra wants us to fill that he
doesn’t already know at the AF record office ?.
My DOB ?
My Dte of Commission or date retirement ? My last held rank perhaps ?
My PPO number and reference ? My bank acct no where I am now drawing pension ?
That I am alive and kicking ? The size of my underwear, whether they
are now striped or Langot ?
Two copies of toothless photo which the Govt can afterwards claim, ‘I
am not me, no longer looks soldierly’ ?
Shame on non-senile ‘serving officers’ who have joined HMV and making
a joker out of the senile old and bold. The AF, Army or Navy Record
offices have no business to be around if they don’t have records of
retired personnel – what are they keeping record of, sexual mores
of orangutans who frequent the ‘Parliament’ ?
I have refused to fill in the OROP forms, just as I refused to get
myself a UID. I don’t want this dirty Govt’s money, not even the
f***ing measly pension or OROP. I want to be an alien, like the guys
who came across the border and slit the throats of Indians or the guys
who attacked the Parliament of ‘Langoors’ some time ago. In today’s HT
front page, I saw that venerable CAS Charley had the decency to say
the right things, and our foreign minister said the opposite, the
politically correct things. Charley made me proud to be an ex soldier.
The FM made me feel ashamed to be an Indian citizen. VK Singh as a
parting gift as COAS did me a favour. On payment of Rs 1500, an ASC
unit in Barar square in Delhi will send a truck to collect my mortal
remains and send me on my eternal journey with dignity, befitting an
old soldier. I have asked that a bugler be present to sound the ‘Last
Post’. That is all I ask. I suppose An-Thony and his ilk will find
that too an obnoxious privilege ?
If it weren’t for Khadakvasla that made me immune to the system, the
GOI, I would be picking up the gun or joining the Maoists, ‘this is my
rifle, this is my gun, one is for fighting and the other for fun’. The
country is no longer worth fighting for, they are selling it down the
drain anyway. The country is being run by bung holes and an election
is unlikely to change the state of affairs unless we can get Kobad
‘Gadbad’ Gandhi out of Tihar and get him to reform the country. Please
feel free to pass this mail around. I am quite happy to join ‘Gadbad’
Gandhi in Tihar, used to kick the bastard’s balls (as also Sanjay
Gandhi) in football when they were Doscos and I a Rimcolian in 1965.
Jolly good fellows those days. Something awful happens to all of them
when they join politics, deceit, conceit, selfishness, eccentricity,
vanity, ego, megalomania, parochialism – who knows.
Yesterday I sat up all night reading a very exhilarating book ‘No Easy
Day’ by Mark Oven, the Navy SEAL who shot Osama-Bin-Laden in Abotabad.
Made me want to be a soldier all over again, with or without a bloody
pension. I beseech God to give me another chance to be 21 again and go
to war in 1971, a second chance. By God and Country, I will try and
get rid of the bloody Pakis in east and the west.
I was reminded of a night (13 Mar 2012) when I was invited to open a
Champaign bottle in NSG mess in Manesar as the oldest soldier present.
I had been discharged from the ICU after a heart attack two days
earlier. The youngest was just 19 yrs old, didn’t even have a
moustache, but he was a soldier from tip to toe. Even without their
war paint, they were all so frighteningly competent that I went to pee
every five minutes. I was reminded of old and bold soldiers that I had
met in the yore. F*** OROP and pension, I am just a silly old man,
happy to see that soldiering is still an honourable profession. In my
mind the Foxies and Rimcolians vie for equal affection and pride. And
when they are both, wow, it is like the Champaign that I drank in NSG
mess, very heady.
There is a poem by Rudyard Kippling in which I find my ‘Quantum Of Solace’.
I went into a public–‘ ouse to get a pint o’ beer,
The publican ‘e up an’ sez, “we serve no red-coats here.”
The girls be’ind the bar, they laughed an’ giggled fit to die.
I outs into the street again an’ to myself sez I,
O it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ “Tommy, go away”,
But it’s “Thank you, Mister Atkins”, when the band begins to play,
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it’s “Thank you, Mister Atkins”, when the band begins to play.
Cheers,
God bless you all.
Kindly don’t put out anything more about OROP and pensioners on this
forum, it breaks my heart.
Keep it happy and cheerful. I love the messages, ‘Is any one in
Siachen or Bana Post? Am coming on a Holiday with an AK-47 or a Bofors
Gun’.
I wish I could go on a holiday to Bana post with a Bofors gun.
I love you all, keep smiling as if there is no tomorrow.
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